When I was a teenager I used to think it would be cool to be older, like 25 or 30... You know, OLD! Of course now that I'm in my 40s, 25 or 30 sounds REALLY young to me. Funny how your perspective changes, isn't it?
I've discovered over the last few weeks that I'm old. It's not necessarily my age that has led me to feel this way. 42 isn't over the hill. It's the fact that I have issues I always associated with being old. Let me explain...
I'm overweight and don't exercise. I never would have dreamed this would happen to me. I was the jock in high school and was skinny as a beanpole. 20+ years and 2 kids later and I'm pudgy. I don't like looking and feeling the way I do, but I haven't found the motivation to do anything about it. I was complaining about my situation to my husband recently and of course he's very supportive and loving, but can't possibly understand what it's like to have a weight problem since he's always been thin and very fit. He's willing to do whatever he can to help me, God love 'im. Because he's a pilot, I put things in pilot terminology. Regarding my weight, I said, "I'm in a holding pattern." That was several months ago... Sigh...
I have toenail fungus! Where did that come from and how do I get rid of it? It's not pretty and wearing open-toed shoes makes me want to cringe. Anybody got a sure-fire cure for this unsightly problem? Ewww! And of course I find that I can't wear most trendy shoes because I've had surgery on one of my feet, therefore I now have a touch of arthritis in that particular foot, which prevents my foot from bending into lots of different types of shoes. Those pointy-toed high heel pumps everyone started wearing again a few years ago? Can't get my foot into them. There's no way I'd ever be able to walk even if I did get my foot into them. These shoes are UNCOMFORTABLE! Doesn't anyone else notice this?
I have acid reflux! This started about 3 years ago and I've been to so many doctors in hopes of "fixing me." It's taken forever just to get a diagnosis because just when I really think we're getting somewhere, it's time to move and then I have to start all over again. I've been on lots of medications. I've been told I have allergies. I've been told I have a tonsil issue. Now I'm being told I have acid reflux. I've had an endoscopy, a swallow study (a tube up my nose and down my throat for 24 hours - Don't wanna EVER do that again!), a CT scan and several scopes. Evidently the muscles in my throat don't open and close properly. Why? And why can't that be fixed? Why can't they just give me a magical pill? Now I'm supposed to avoid all things wonderful - coffee, chocolate, sodas and tomato-based foods. Fine!!! Take away my comfort... see if I care! But I DO care! I hate giving up the things I really enjoy.
I've become forgetful! I often can't finish my sentences. I search for words in the little word bank in my brain and they never appear. I get so frustrated because I literally can't find the word I'm looking for at times. I've been playing word games on the internet and doing other things to exercise my brain, but frankly, I'm not seeing any improvement and... um... See, there I go again! The other thing I'm experiencing is the "walking into a room and forgetting why you went into the room in the first place" scenario. Ever do that? I do it daily!
Hey, I just thought of one thing that makes me feel young again... My face broke out this week! Oh, now that's comforting! I feel like a teenager all over again. Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
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